Movie Lesson: Love Guru

Guru: When I was a child in India growing up in the tiny village of Harenmahkeester, I found a voiceover machine. Which I still use to the day..oh!
I am his holiness the Guru Pitka

Voiceover: On June 20th the world's greatest authority on relationships is coming here.

Jessica Alba: So Guru, enlighten us.

Guru: Fait is a joke and as I once read on a wall in a truck-stop bathroom, 'The joke is in your hands.'
Oh my God, I just got that!

Voiceover: He was an American raised in India...

Ben Kingsley: Why do you want to join the Tugginmypuda Ashram?

Guru: So girls will like me, then I will like myself.

Voiceover: ...who has learned the ways of love.

Guru: If you follow my method, you’ll get your wife back.

Voiceover: From Paramount Pictures and Spyglass Entertainment, you can doubt his methods...

Jessica Alba: Guru, please, what is your plan?

Guru: I...(hits head) a little help, please?...OK

Voiceover:...but you can't argue with his results.

Jessica Alba: Damn!

Second woman: Damn!

Justin Timberlake: Damn

Guru: Looks like he's smuggling a schnauzer.

Voiceover: Mike Myers...

Guru: I'd like to thank the Academy. Wow, these things are heavy.

Verne Troyer (coach): Put me down, jackass.

Guru: OK

Voiceover: The Love Guru. June 20th.